Migraine-Inducing-Gogulators and Mute Pits of Darkness

There are several things I want to talk about today, so I thought I'd start at the beginning:

1) My glasses are hurting me. Not funny! As a matter of fact this is quite serious. You all know that I wear them 24/7 and am completely dependent on them, so taking them off is not an option. But this is getting unbearable. Just behind my left ear my untill-know-highly-treasured seeing-aid is drilling a hole into my skull. As a result I have decided to change its name (yes I name my glasses). Googoo will from now on be known under that name of Migraine-Inducing Gogulator (M.I.G.).


2) My sleeping-rythm has crossed the line from 'complete mess' to 'beyond absurd'. Its gotten a little out of control. Not sleeping at all during some nights and sleeping untill it is already dark AGAIN during other nights. I believe there are two reasons for this:

-A: A complete lack of physical excercise. Yoga and Swing once a week do not count. Neither do climbing stairs and walking to school. This means my body is not fatigued enough to want to sleep. On the other hand, I am completely overexerting myself mentaly on most days. This means I am mentally exhausted but physically restless.

-B: My continued fear of dreams. Nightmares - I have them too often. They have nothing to do with monsters or horrible events. They are just too real. I wake up several times a night, scared shitless of the intensity of emotional and physical stimuli that seem so real but are NOT. It completely takes my confidence of knowing what is truly there and what just imagined.
My dreams can be thrilling and exciting to the point that I choose to turn off the alarm clock, when it rings and go back to bed in order to continue dreaming because I want to know 'how the story ends'. It is like reading Harry Potter for the first time: you just can't put those books down! The freakiest things of all is that it is actually working: I dream, I wake up because the alarm is ringing, I get up, I turn the alarm off, I get back to bed and I keep dreaming as if nothing happened.
To be sure you follow, lets recap: I am afraid of my dreams, because they scare me in a non-monster, non-catastrophe kind of way and because they are just so damn addicting when they are nice.
Summary: Sleeping is complicated, so I sometimes choose to just skip that part of my day.

Save to say my body hates me right now and probably with good reason.


3) Foodie is my way of keeping that unhappy body nevertheless contemt. I've been cookin' some good stuff recently and I'm especially proud of my stone-cold determination when it comes to resisting the mouthwatering smell of Saucages, Fries, Sauerkraut (Oohhh Emmmm Geeee, that stuff smells divine), and baked goods from the christmas market just across my street. The Glühwein-resistence is lagging a bit behind... (Glühwein = hot, red wine with spices, almost as divine as Sauerkraut). I have also cut back on the Starbucks madness (in fact I cut it out completely) and am now doing my own coffee at home with home-made milk foam (Who needs friggen Gingerbread-Latte!!?? ... -I did.)


Allright folks. I was going to tell you more but I see this post has reached epic lenght (like my hair!). It is also 4:20am and I have not slept in over 36 hours. Despite my extensive rant about dreams I shall now obey the mourning-like craving for my bed, which is just an armlength away. Maybe I am so tired I will just fall into a dreamless, mute pit of darkness...


-CvH